Travel Log

Going underground. . .

2006-06-07T12:25:54Z

Seeing as most of my entires lately have been friends only anyway - and given that a lot of the others should be - I'm making the whole journal friends only. . .

Let me know if you want to be added!

Wow

2006-06-03T13:07:53Z

And THAT'S why I've been working so hard. . .

The show last night could not have gone better - it was absolutely fantastic! I honestly believe that no group of middle school students in their first ever musical could have done a better job.

The fact of the show winding down brought many questions and thoughts about next year. . .the most popular being "Are you doing this again?" Most of my friends and family think I must be absolutely insane to put myself in this spot again - after all I have been nothing but stressed out and cranky for the past few weeks as our production date got closer and closer. But here's the thing: if I was doing this for the administrators, I would have quit a long time ago. I'm not doing it for them, I'm not doing it for the parents, it was always for the kids. Our middle school has very limited amounts of activities for them and I think everyone in the show wound up having a good time. I'm not even talking about all of the kids - there are a few that I'd really like to strangle and/or smack in the face, but for those special few who work hard and give it their all, I will always be there. . .

I can't be sick

2006-05-25T03:20:12Z

and yet I feel like i might be dying. . .

I don't have a thermometer, but I feel really feverish and. . .odd at the same time.

I got that weak, dizzy feeling - not good. . .

The last time I felt this bad it was a bad reaction to donating blood - and i wound up passing out on my bathroom floor.

so i'm going to bed and hoping i feel better in the morning because i can't miss school this week or next week. too much to do.

oh god - this is so bad. . .

What a Pain in the Neck

2006-05-23T22:00:59Z

You will have to pardon my bad pun because I've seriously had a rough day.

My AP KICKED ME OUT OF SCHOOL!

I had gotten an appointment with the doctor for June 6 (still would have to leave school early, but it's after Annie and my assembly and a whole bunch of other stuff), but apparently that was not good enough - because SHE called them and made them give me an appointment immediately (they had originally offered me a mid-day appointment that I didn't take because I would have had to take the whole day off - and miss rehearsal and tech set up, which I CAN'T). They fit me in and she threw me out of the building! I literally had gone in to ask for photocopies. . .I knew we couldn't get copies usually, but the other AP had asked for them - and I didn't realize the penalty was banishment!

So anyway, I'm not faking because after a whole bunch of tests and x-rays and an MRI (which I have to go back for), here is what they found:

I have a herniated disk. . .and a pinched nerve. . .and arthritis in my neck. . .and 3 muscles in spasm. . .and a floating patella. . .and arthritis in my knee. . .AND cartilage damage!

Never rains, but it pours. . .damn, it's time to build an ark!

There goes the money I had earmarked to get Tivo. It sucks to be a tech geek without any money.

Pain

2006-05-22T20:03:52Z

I have about 3.2 seconds to post, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. . .and posting is really the last thing I NEED to spend time on; I NEED to go to a doctor, but when?

I've had chronic knee problems since junior high, when I injured my left leg twice in 2 years. . . My knee never quite healed properly and has been giving me various degrees of problems ever since. For the past year, however, this problem has grown progressively worse - most amounts of activity (even simple walking) causes pain and stairs might seriously kill me sometime soon. My classroom is on the second floor and my kids have noticed since the beginning of the year that I "walk funny" on the stairs. Since the original injury was such a long time ago, added to the fact that I have NO time, I have put off going to see the doctor.

For the past few weeks, a new ache has been added to my list of complaints. When my neck first started hurting, I attributed it to stress. I ALWAYS carry my stress in my shoulders, so a little bit of tension was nothing new. I became concerned over the fact that I couldn't really turn my head to the left, but even that was a minor inconvenience - I wince when merging in traffic, but elsewhere I just turn my body instead of just my head, avoiding the neck pain. Most recently, however this pain has become intense and started traveling up and down my left arm. I was almost in tears today from neck pain.

I STILL don't have time to go to the doctor. Apparently, this is REALLY not good though, as not one, but two of my doctor friends have told me that it sounds like I have a slipped disk and I might be causing nerve damage. They think that I must have injured it because I was favoring my knee (and both of them reamed me out for having ignored that problem). FANtastic. Knowing this still does not help me clear my schedule - I *might* be able to go on Memorial Day, if a) they're open and b) there's a free appointment, but if that's a no go I can't get there until at least June 6 and more likely June 29.

Off to pop some more painkillers. . .and to set up a permission slip for Wednesday. . .and clean up backstage. . .and grade the kids' butterfly projects. . .and oversee rehearsal. . .and find something to eat. . .and input playbill information. . .and count seats so I can print tickets. . .and print tickets. . .and burn my class's assembly presentation to a DVD. . .and 1,000 other things that are on my to-do list before "go to doctor."

Bitterness

2006-05-14T16:45:27Z

The car that I have had for less than a week is falling apart and I have to get it fixed, the stopper in my bathtub doesn't work and I can't get internet access in my new apartment. . . I just finished writing this entry (which had more in it) but then LJ deleted it and I'm not rewriting the gory details. Suffice it to say, I'm out of money, out of time, and out of patience with the universe playing spiteful games with my head. If ONE thing could go smoothly, that'd be great.

"I recently moved to my current address. I have been attempting to set up internet access since the end of April. Since I had not moved in yet, I did not have a telephone line with which to check availibility of DSL service and, after unsuccessfully working with Speakeasy Onelink so I would not need a phone line at all, I spoke to Verizon. Prior to ordering the phone line and DSL, I SPOKE TO A CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE who assured me that DSL would be available on my new phone line. The only reason I was getting the phone line to begin with was for internet access. I use my cell phone exclusively and have no interest in paying for a land line which will never be used.

When I ordered the phone line and DSL, the phone line was supposed to be connected on May 9 and the DSL on May 10. The FIRST problem that I encountered was an e-mail stating that my DSL would not be ready until on or before MAY 22. There was still, however, no indication that the DSL might not be avaliable. I have waited patiently for almost 3 weeks with no home internet access. I cannot check my e-mail at work since I work for the NYC DOE and there are several firewalls and access restrictions. I have many responsibilities and as I work during normal business hours (and beyond them), many of my communications take place exclusively through e-mail. Not having access to it has been tremendously inconvenient.

TODAY (5/14), four days AFTER my DSL was supposed to be connected, I received an e-mail stating "Although your telephone number pre-qualified for DSL during the initial phases of the order process, we regret to inform you that we are not able to provide you with Verizon Online DSL service on at this time."

I do understand that DSL is not available everywhere, but I went OUT OF MY WAY to check availibility before ordering the now unnecessary Verizon phone line. Also, all of the reasons exemplified in the e-mail seem to be things that you should have been aware of when I first checked availibility. This seems to be a scam to force me to pay for a phone line that I never wanted or needed.

Later in the e-mail, it says "If you are already using complimentary Verizon Online dial-up service and would like to keep it, please call 1-800-567-6789." I would have loved to have been using complimentary dial-up while I waited for DSL, but it was never offered to me. Dial-up is not ideal internet access for me since it is WAY too slow for the majority of my online activities, but it would have helped me to keep track of my e-mails in the interim. I called today and spoke to a customer service representative who said that she could not offer me any assistance because the billing office was closed.

I am irate at how my connection and service was handled. I am now paying for a phone line that I never wanted AND I did not have the opportunity to TRY verizon dial-up while I waited for my high-speed internet. I still do not have any internet access at my home at all and have been extremely disappointed with the lack of communication from Verizon and the misinformation offered.

I would like to call tomorrow to resolve this matter, but I will be at work most of the business day. I do NOT want to waste my entire break being placed on hold or transferred or told the office I need to speak to is unavailable. Please tell me who I can call to expedite the resolution of this issue."

MIA

2006-05-03T12:24:02Z

I have not written in a while as I been just a touch busy and stressed out:

- My car died last Wednesday night so I had to have i towed to my aunt's house, where it still is. This would not have been quite as bad, but I'm moving - so I NEEDED that car! So now I'm renting for the week, while in the process of buying a new one. . .well a new-er one.

- I'm moving so right now all of my furniture and books are in my apartment, but all of my clothing is still at my parents' house. And both places are gigantic, chaotic messes.

- We're coming down to the wire for "Annie" and my SECOND Molly quit. No sooner had we picked a third then my Lilly's mother came a pulled her out of rehearsal and possibly the show altogether. (!!!) We STILL have no lights, sound equipment, costumes, or budget for any of those things. And my set director has gotten herself horrendously behind and our sets are looking iffy as well.

- One of my THIRD GRADE students was suspended yesterday for pulling a knife on a kid from another class yesterday at recess.

- My brother moved to Australia on Sunday so we had a houseful of company all weekend and I didn't get a single spare moment to address any of the things that I needed to get to.

I do have to say Happy Birthday to John and to Kari Marie and thank you to Katherine for the postcard - I don't think too many people would take time out of their vacations to send mail to a stranger's class. . .also another thank you to Dan for coming on my class trip with me. The short version: we went to Ruby Foo's in Times Square and then to Drumstruck, which was all free for the kids thanks to my fairy godmother. We had an amazing day, but I'll have to write about it some other time. . .off to work!

I love craigslist!

2006-04-22T21:56:56Z

For under $500, I got:

a loveseat and slipcover
2 end tables
2 night tables
a 3-piece corner desk with a shelf
a kitchen shelf/storage unit
a kitchen table + 2 chairs

Go me! I'm all done furniture shopping and ready to move!

Of course I did!

2006-04-22T21:52:31Z

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

Game over

2006-04-21T04:35:39Z

Received this last night. . . I didn't think that his decision to buy a place was "a commitment to moving forward with us" - I am well aware that we weren't together at the time, but it's not even worth it to try to explain myself yet again. So that's that then. . .

"Hi,

Sorry so long in getting back to you. I've read your email about five times...pretty intense stuff. First of all, I'm truly sorry that it felt to you like "a punch in the stomach" when I told you about buying the condo. I didn't intend this as a hurtful gesture towards you. This past few months have been hard for me as well and I guess that I felt that I needed to make a move in my life (no pun intended). When things felt apart with us, I felt like I had no direction and so taking this next step was something I felt I had to do for me. After all, it is something that I've been talking about for some time, as we both well know.

But I didn't see this decision, to buy a place, as a commitment to moving forward in respect to our relationship. From my perspective, it was over between us, and I saw this as turning point for me, an opportunity to move on with my life.

Maybe I haven't been as honest with you as I could have been. I didn't intend to keep you waiting, or give you any false hope of us getting back together. I think it's just my nature to say "anything's possible". I certainly don't think that you should be renting a month-to-month apartment based on the possibility of us getting back together. You should do what you want to do, and live where you want to live... whatever you think will make you happy. I love you and care about you very much. Though I do have to admit that I wasn't completely happy in our relationship. I can't explain it...It isn't any thing you did or said, in fact, you were wonderful in every way. Maybe we just didn't see eye to eye on certain things. Don't beat yourself up thinking it was your fault in some way. Blame me, not yourself, I'm the screwed up one...

I don't see how getting back together now would really change anything, and I certainly don't want to hurt you any more than I have already. I would probably still feel uncertain about where we were headed, and I know that that would be unacceptable to you. I wish that I could say that I had a revelation in the last 3 months and suddenly know all the answers. Sometimes realization is a slow process. But I do know that you need to move on with your life. I know it sucks now, but this seems like the only fair decision for both of us. I still want to keep in touch, I still consider you very close to me, but I understand if it's to much for you right now. Let me know how you received this message. I hope that I haven't hurt you even more than ever.

Love, A---"

Waiting for him. . .

2006-04-15T05:16:58Z

I am aware that this dispels any lingering doubts about my pathetic, loser nature, but I can't help myself. I run my life by committee and crave feedback, so here goes. . .

I sent this to A about half an hour ago:

It wasn't just now. . .I called you before you told me about the condo (March 16) and you pretty much shot me down. It is not just now. I didn't want to break up in the first place and it devastated me. I don't want to be with someone else. There is no one else - it's you. The condo situation brought to a head everything I've been feeling for the past 3 months - while we were together I wanted you to give me some indication that you saw me in your life - and you didn't. I was not waiting for an immediate engagement - you said yourself that once you moved out we would see each other on weekends, etc - but you didn't move out. And now you have, which hurt me a lot. I don't know how to explain in a way that won't be misinterpreted. . .

I can't believe that you would think that I have/had no faith in you. I sincerely apologize for whatever I did or said that gave you that impression. I love you so much and I know that you will accomplish whatever you set out to. . .which is why it hurt me that you didn't appear to be setting out to do anything that had to do with a future for us.

I love you with all of my heart, and I don't think that our recent conversations have been all of a sudden - I've said the same thing I've been saying since January.

Either you see us ever getting back together or you don't. . .apparently you don't, but I don't know how to proceed here, so I'm sorry if I'm beating a dead horse. I miss you. . .I've missed you since you left my house. I think about you all the time and I'm beating myself up.

I know you think I was being unrealistic or something, but I can't change the way I feel. I wanted the whole package - and I was willing to wait, but you didn't give me a chance. You didn't give me any sign at all that you ever saw us moving forward together in any meaningful way.

I said I had a nightmare that you were going out with someone else and you asked why that would be a nightmare. . .can you not see it? Would you really be okay if I were dating someone new? But I can't because no one measures up to you. Three months later and still. . . You are the one I'm hoping will call. You are the one I'm checking my e-mail 9 times a day waiting to hear from. And the condo news came as a shock, but it didn't change anything that wasn't already there.

I love you. I miss you. You said this situation was unacceptable for you too, but not changing anything at all doesn't make any sense. Except you HAVE changed - you found a place and made an offer and I wish I could convince you that that wasn't why I want you back. It makes a difference because it shows that you HAVE moved forward which is what I was waiting for that whole time - BUT if you hadn't gotten it now I would still just be waiting. I would still want you back. I would still love you.

I need to hear from you that you never see this happening. Unless you want to get back together, you need to end it completely. Because I can't move on in my life while I still have hope. While I'm still waiting for you. I told you before that I didn't want to sign a lease because that made it more permanent. The apartment that I am moving into is too small and not exactly what I was looking for, but it's month-to-month. And you are in my thoughts in that decision. I didn't want to commit myself to anything long-term without you.

You need to tell me that I am not and never will be enough. Unless I am. I need you to take a stand one way or the other. I want to make it very clear that I am not looking for an engagement - that was never exactly the issue. I just wanted to know that you thought of me as being a significant part of your life.

Please love me.

But if you don't, let me go.

S----

Sympathy card from the vet:

2006-04-13T21:08:53Z

This came in the mail today (along with a bill for part of the emergency room visit; total so far = $145, but that's only for the consultation for ONE chick - no euthanasia or cremation charges yet):

The inside says

"To the P----- Family,

They live on in memories
of the love and devotion they gave us.

With our sincerest sympathy
in the loss of your companion.

Sincerely,
the staff at O------ Animal Hospital"

Just thought that was odd. . .but then, NO ONE commented on the circumstances of the chicken deaths, which I thought was comment-worthy, so who am I to judge?

Spoiled?

2006-04-12T15:51:33Z

Meme: If you have over 40, you are spoiled.

Do you have:
(1) your own cell phone
(2) a television in your bedroom
(3) an MP3 player
(4) a photo printer
() own phone line
() TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
(5) high-speed internet access (i.e., not dialup)
() a surround sound system in bedroom
(6) DVD player in bedroom
() at least a hundred DVDs
(7) a childfree bathroom (Umm, no kids, so yeah.)
() your own in-house office
() a pool
() a guest house
() a game room
() a queen-size bed or larger
() a stocked bar
(8) a working dishwasher. (It's my parents' - does that count?)
() an icemaker
(9) a working washer and dryer (my parents')
(10) more than 20 pairs of shoes (I should probably count that for 2 or 3!)
() at least ten things from a designer store
() expensive sunglasses
() framed original art (not lithographs or prints)
() Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
() a multi-speed bike
(11) a gym membership
() large exercise equipment at home
() your own set of golf clubs
() a pool table
() a tennis court
(12) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
(13) your own pair of skis
() enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
() a boat
() a jet ski
() a neighborhood committee membership .
() a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
(14) wealthy family members
(15) two or more family cars
() a walk-in closet or pantry
(16) a yard
() a hammock
() a personal trainer
(17) good credit
() expensive jewelry
() a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
() at least $100 cash in your possession right now
(18) more than two credit cards bearing your name (not counting gas cards or debit cards)
() a stock portfolio
(19) a passport
() a horse.
() a trust fund (either for you or created by you)
(20) private medical insurance (Does through work count?)
(21) a college degree, and no outstanding student loans
Do you:
() shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
() do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
() pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry cleaning.)
() go on weekend mini-vacations
() send dinners back with every flaw
(22) wear perfume or cologne
(23) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon
() have a job but don't need the money OR
() stay at home with little financial sacrifice
() pay someone else to cook your meals
() pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
() regularly pay someone else to drive your taxis
() expect a gift after you fight with your partner
Are you:
() an only child
() married/partnered to a wealthy person
() baffled/surprised when you don't get your way
Have you:
(24) been on a cruise
(25) traveled out of the country (again - how many points should I count this for?)
() met a celebrity
(26) been to the Caribbean
(27) been to Europe
() been to Hawaii
(28) been to New York (well, I live here!)
() eaten at the space needle in Seattle
() been to the Mall of America
(29) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
(30) been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
() moved more than three times because you wanted to
() dined with local political figures
(31) been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast
Did you:
() go to another country for your honeymoon
() hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
(32) took riding or swimming lessons as a child
() attend private school
() have a Sweet 16 birthday party

Not quite spoiled, but getting there. . . can I take points off for having my parents? And I don't think not having outstanding student loans should count - it's not like someone else just outright paid; I got a scholarship and what was leftover I worked really hard to pay for!

<---- Stupid

2006-04-12T00:41:05Z

After this past weekend and yesterday, I knew that there was really no way I was going to be able to make it through until vacation (nevermind that it starts on Thursday - don't judge me; Monday was awful!). . . I also knew that I could not take tomorrow off (the day before a vacation), so today was my day to play hooky. This presented various problems and, because it is my life, there was a very complicated plan for what should have been a simple, relaxing day.

I did not want my parents to know that I was calling out for a lot of reasons, but mainly because they would leave behind things for me to get accomplished which would defeat the purpose of calling out in the first place. In order for them not to know I wasn't going to work, I decided to leave my house the same time as usual and wait for them to leave before I went back. Then, later in the day I was going to go see a movie or something so that I got home after them, like usual.

So I left my house (slightly later than normal, but still before they woke up) and parked in the mall parking lot, where I read until I thought it was safe to go home. . .except for that I had left my headlights on and my battery had died. No big deal, except I had left my house not expecting to actually go anywhere - so I never showered or put on makeup or anything (I am EXTREMELY lucky that I bothered to change out of my pajamas). I wound up waiting till the mall opened and then heading up to sit in Barnes & Noble while pondering my options. I still didn't want my parents to know I was playing hooky, so I didn't want my car stuck at the mall (why would it be there?) or to meet them there (because I clearly didn't look like I went to work). Further complicating things was the fact that my mom called and left me a voicemail saying that she was meeting my dad for dinner at the mall and did I want to come? My parents NEVER go out on weeknights, so now not only did I need to get home, I also needed to time my arrival very particularly (get home before my dad did, change, and then go back to the mall at a time appropriate to when I would be getting home from work).

I wound up hanging out at the mall the ENTIRE day. . .I read in Barnes & Noble, had lunch at Legal Seafood, and went to see Failure to Launch. Then I went and got my hair trimmed (just so that it would look washed) and used testers in Sephora for makeup, before heading back up to Barnes & Noble to meet my parents. (My mom did ask if I wore jeans to work, but I said that we painted today so I didn't want to wear good clothes - I was contemplating buying a pair of pants, but I REALLY don't need another pair of black pants). We ate dinner and then I "discovered" that my car wouldn't start so my dad jumped it and now I'm home, having spent over TWELVE hours at the mall. So much for my relaxing day. . .

Oh, the tangled webs we weave. . .

More reasons to move out. . .

2006-04-09T23:09:23Z

Spent the morning doing random chores - after my mom woke me up for the simple reason that it was "time to get up" (9:30am) despite the fact that I am constantly exhausted and battling sleep deprivation. . .

I managed to escape for awhile for dinner at John's house (yum!) and then I left there SO I COULD GET MY WORK DONE. Except my mom just walked into the room with 3 things she wants me to do. Among them:

- Spend at least an hour working in my brother's room.
- Get rid of at least one bag of garbage, "preferably 2 or 3." Ummmmmm, this is not my stuff to throw out! These are my brother's belongings so 1) I fail to see why it is my responsibility to organize them and 2) I'm not fucking throwing things that aren't mine away!

I'm falling apart at the seams here and I'm struggling not to write a really desperate e-mail to Adam. . .especially seeing as he still hasn't responded to the last one. :(

I swear I am not making this up. . .

2006-04-09T15:27:37Z

On Thursday night, I took one and a half chicks home from school with me - one was completely hatched and the other one was working on it. They both cheeped happily along with me all the way home, while I sang songs to myself because my radio is still non-existent ("Elmo's Song" primarily, in case you were wondering). I had to take them home because the entire 3rd grade had off site P.D. all day on Friday and I don't trust anyone in my school not to go into my room and mess with them and I couldn't leave them there all weekend so home with me they came.

I got home Thursday evening and settled them in. The first one still seemed really lethargic, but I had been told that it was normal for newly hatched chicks not to have much energy (it's hard work breaking out of a shell!) so I wasn't tremendously concerned.

I made sure that they were still okay Friday morning before I left the house (#2 STILL hadn't hatched entirely - this is now over 36 hours!) and I went about my day. I didn't get home until about 6:30 and I found #2 FINALLY just getting free from its shell and #1 kind of just laying there. #2 was immediately more energetic than #1 had ever been and was sort of moving around and cheeping it's head off - it also went to the water dish and took a drink, which I hadn't seen #1 do (again, I assumed this was normal - I read all over the place that newly hatched chicks are still receiving nutrition from the yolks of their eggs and don't require food for 48 hours), so now I was really worried about it. I made a sugar water solution and got it to drink some by dripping it from my pinkie onto its beak, but I was afraid of drowning it and it didn't really seem enthusiastic so I called the local vet (I was still kind of just expecting them to give me some sort of at home solution - make the incubator warmer, feed it something special, etc.). By this time it was after hours, so I had to have a vet paged and when I spoke to her, she gave me 2 other numbers to call for vets that might be open.

The animal hospital in New Jersey told me to bring both of them right in - it would be better not to separate them. . .so I got them all packed up (shoebox with a heating pad covered by a t-shirt) and sped off, blasting the heat in the car so I was sweating, but I'm sure they were quite comfortable.

When we got there (seriously, I'm not making this up), we jumped ahead of 2 cats and a dog in line; one of the cat owners looked at me like if my birds weren't seriously ill, then he would make sure they were before he left. The front desk lady peeked into my shoebox and made the following announcement:

"Triage to the front desk. Chick in respiratory distress. Oxygen needed. Code 1!"

Code 1??!!! So somebody comes running up, grabs my shoebox, and sprints to the back, leaving me to fill out forms. They send me to the waiting room and then someone comes and takes me to another room where I wait to speak to the vet.

By this point, I've really started to get the feeling that I will only be going home with one chick and I've kind of made my peace with that. (The kids after all had only really seen #1 hatch and so I thought I'd pass the healthier #2 off as #1 and claim the second one had never made it out of the shell.) So when the vet came in and said that #1 should be put to sleep (and she listed off a number of health problems as well as his chances of survival - basically none), I was okay with that. But then she started talking in the same concerned tone of voice about chick #2!

Vet: The second one also has a number of health concerns. His stomach is really distended - he might have parasites, and he might have caught whatever the other one had. You would have to give him a lot of care: force feeding, giving him antibiotics, keeping him really warm, etc.

Me: I'm willing to do that. I'd like to try at least. (thinking I HAVE to try - I can't have killed off both chicks!)

Vet: O-kay. . . (and then she leaves the room again).

She wound up coming back with #2 and pointing out all of the things that were wrong with him - all in that tone of voice nthat tells me she thinks I'm nuts and he's a lost cause. So (and now I'm on the verge of tears - BOTH chicks?!) I ask if she thinks he should be put to sleep too and she says yes. So then I asked if this was something that we did - we were so careful! I went from being a rock star in my school to being responsible for chick genocide in the blink of an eye. She said that it would have been really impossible for me to have killed them in the short space of time since they'd been born and they must have just been bad eggs. Then she had me sign forms to have them put to sleep and cremated (on the cremation form: "Batteries are a concern during the cremation process. Please let us know if your pet has a pacemaker.") and sent me on my way.

Everybody was being really nice and they said I didn't need to worry about the bill, they'd mail it to me so I really couldn't ask for my mom's heating pad back so the cost of its replacement will be added to the cost of this project; anyone know how much chick euthanasia and cremation might cost (x2!)? Plus I'm sure that whatever that "code 1" announcement was about, it wasn't cheap. . .

I was so tired by the time I got home that I took a bath and fell asleep. . .in the tub! I literally woke up at 6am in a ice cold water. Did you know that your hands can become so pruney that they are actually painful?

Monday is going to be brutal. . .how do I handle this with my kids?

Also, I had called Adam about the demise of my chicks (I was upset and no one was around) and after we had talked for about 20 minutes and he hadn't mentioned the e-mail I asked him if he had gotten it. He said that he had, but he wasn't really sure how to respond. That's just not a good sign. . .

Semi-speechless

2006-04-06T01:19:18Z

To A:

"I have been trying to write this e-mail in my head for 2 days and physically at the computer for the past hour. I really do not know what to say.

First, I think that I was really tired (as usual) when we talked on Monday night and a little bit stunned (you slipped this news in almost as an aside after talking about your class and the school concert) so I’m not sure I reacted appropriately. I. . .still can’t think of what to say. I have mixed emotions here. . . I am really proud of you for finding a place that you like and going for it – I know that that is not an easy thing, taking the plunge. At the same time, I wish it could have happened 3 months ago. My gut says “NOW?!” It’s hard for me to process that you put an offer in on a 2 bedroom condo. Did this surprise you?

I miss you so much and I don’t know how to proceed. On the one hand I want you back so badly and I can’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else, but on the other hand I’m still not willing to give up the things that are important to me. I still need to feel like my life and relationship is moving forward in SOME way, but I don’t think it’s necessarily the way you might think. I wasn’t expecting you to buy a place, us to move in together, and get engaged all at once. I was just looking for a step in that direction, which seemed like it was never going to come. I don’t know how to react now that we are not together and you are moving forward without me."

Spookily spot on for a 2 minute quiz. . .

2006-04-05T22:27:41Z

Your Lucky Underwear is Purple

Dreamy and idealistic, you envision great things for your life. Your lucky purple underwear can make those dreams come true!
You're a busy little butterfly. You have the most projects, interests, and friends of anyone you know.

You also have a flair for the dramatic. Sometimes too much drama comes in to your life and brings things to a stop.
If you want to focus more, and flutter less, put on your purple underpants. They'll help you get the important things done.

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

I didn't even cheat!

Okay, they get a pardon

2006-04-05T15:04:06Z

The chicks apparently took offense to being placed on the list of contenders for making me insane. . .

They were supposed to hatch on Sunday, so this was the last day before I was going to take the incubator down. . .but then, this morning, I came in to my room and ONE of the eggs had a little tiny crack, which has been getting a little bigger over the past 3 hours. . .This is a tremendously s-l-o-w process, but SOMETHING is happening so they have received a pardon.

I'm so excited! I've been going over to the incubator and "cheep"ing my encouragement all morning!

ETA: The chicks were apparently not so much offended by their appearance on the list, so much as by their placement at number 7. They have now rocketed to the number 2 postion after 4/7's events. . .

Game Playing

2006-04-04T18:41:55Z

Apparently we are playing "What will it take to drive Miss P----- over the edge?" and EVERYONE is in on it. The winner will have the satisfaction of knowing that their action or inaction drove me into my own little padded room (which actually isn't looking so bad: silence and no responsibilities? Sign me up!).

Strong contenders:

1 - Adam, who told me last night that he is in the process of buying a 2 bedroom condo in a nearby suburb. NOW??!! I don't even know how to process that.

2 - Administration, who changed my schedule twice today without warning, forcing me to postpone a pizza party I had promised my kids, among other problems associated with never quite knowing where I need to be. Also for requiring me to request a bus for a trip several weeks in advance but not providing the necessary forms. ALSO for insisting that permission slips for a different trip be returned tomorrow, but not making copies to be sent home. AND for refusing to allow me to fax my confirmation and contract, but not actually doing it themselves. AND for observing me a month ago and still not getting around to my post-observational meeting/feedback. Administration is a strong contender for the number 1 position, but. . .not quite.

3 - The State of NY for requiring inane, horrible state tests but not giving us the results in any kind of useful time frame. Also for putting so much pressure on the results of those tests. And for NO affordable housing within a 50 mile radius of my job.

4 - The Broadway box office for calling to confirm my reservation, but then never sending the required form or picking up their phone.

5 - My kids. Just because.

6 - My mom for no specific reason today - just her existence in general bugs me. . .and I'm sure she'll do something before the day is out.

7 - My chicks who stubbornly refuse to hatch, making my science project a bust. :(

I feel like I'm leaving some out, but my prep is almost over and I need to go.

But I HAD stuff to do. . .

2006-04-02T20:06:00Z

Where, oh where, has my weekend gone?

Yesterday morning my mom announced that she wants ME to start packing up all of Matt's stuff so that she and dad can use this room as storage space. (I'm not sure where all of the packed up stuff is supposed to go, but that will be a fight for another day). My Saturday began with my weekend ritual chore of cleaning the bathrooms - I cleaned both upstairs and the one downstairs AND organized all of my mom's under-the-sink-crap which has found its way out of her room. Decided against hanging out with John and Dan last night because they might have been out until the wee hours and I did not want to be MH ("but I'm tired. . ."). Plus, what with daylight savings time, I figured I needed all the sleep I could get. So basically I spent all of yesterday doing chores under the assumption that I might have time to get MY stuff done today. . .

WRONG.

As my parents do not seem to understand that I am an adult with my own responsibilities and time management issues, I wound up getting more work from them. I want to figure out how to explain to them that no one will die if the kitchen floor waits another day before it is mopped, but if I don't get my lesson planning done, I might. Face down a class of 3rd graders in the South Bronx with NOTHING prepared? Not smart.

So when John invited me to dinner I should have said no and stayed home to get my work done, but realistically if I stay home I won't get anything of my own accomplished anyway, so I might as well get out of the house!

Still looking for my perfect apartment. . .or a not so perfect one. . .or a mediocre one. . .

WTF?

2006-03-22T03:35:40Z

For the second time in two years I finished a long day by walking outside to find my car had been broken into. After parent-teacher conferences (with most of my parents being no-shows) finally wound down, I headed outside to my car - the front passenger side window had been COMPLETELY smashed in. There is glass all over my car and my radio was stolen. Nice.

Where the hell is my fucking karma? I am a good person, damn it! I am working so fucking hard and I'm just running in circles it seems.

I need a hug. . .and a nap. . .and would a vacation be too much to ask for?

Anyone computer literate?

2006-03-19T16:39:48Z

Somehow in the past 5 years I have accrued WAY too many e-mail addresses. . . For one reason or another, I can't close them - I'm looking for a way to simplify checking my mail. I'm able to read my verizon mail through my msn account, but those are the only 2 I have been able to successfully consolidate. My goal is to be able to read all or my mail without needing to log in in 16 different places. Any tips?

My mail accounts are:

msn.com
yahoo.com
verizon.net
gmail.com
hotmail.com

shamelessly stolen from kari_marie

2006-03-19T05:26:48Z

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you?
The Cranberries - Zombie

Will I have a happy life?
Remy Zero - Save Me

What do my friends really think of me?
The Polyphonic Spree - Light & Day/Reach for the Sun

Do people secretly lust after me?
Sound of Music - Something Good

How can I make myself happy?
Rent - I'll Cover You

What should I do with my life?
Alanis Morissette - Mary Jane

Will I ever have children?
Lesley Gore - Look of Love

What is some good advice for me?
10,000 Maniacs - These are the Days

How will I be remembered?
James - Out to Get You

What is my signature dancing song?
The Sugarhill Gang - Rapper's Delight

What do I think my current theme song is?
House of Pain - Jump Around

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Train - Heavy

What song will play at my funeral?
Basement Jaxx - Where's Your Head At?

What type of men/women do you like?
Tom Lehrer - When You Are Old and Gray

What is my day going to be like?
Martina Sorbara - Spinning Around the Sun

Frivolous Fun

2006-03-18T17:09:57Z

I capped off my rough week with pretty great Friday night; John and I went to look at the new spring shoes that I can't afford at Neiman Marcus. (Actually, I went to drool - John came for support.) We shared a new "CrunchWrap Supreme" from TB which John dubbed "Mexican Perfection." Pretty good! Anyway, we saw a lot of really pretty shoes and I bought a scarf on sale for $8 and we headed home. It wasn't anything complicated, but that's what John and I do - go out and have fun. . .

One of the things I was using last night's outing to recover from was yesterday morning: One of Lisa's kids likes me a lot and since her class lines up next to mine, he always comes over in the morning and gives me a hug. Yesterday, he gave me a hug and then poked my stomach and said "Ooh, look at your blubber." He then continued poking me and said various sentences with "blubber" in them about 5 more times. So Lisa and I are laughing when one of my kids at the front of the line said "That's okay Miss P. I'm fat, too." At which point I wondered if it was too late to call in sick - it was only 8:32am - we hadn't even gotten up to the classroom yet!

oops! I'm kind of distracted - I'm writing this and I'm on the computer phone with my brother because he's helping me with my resume and my cell phone rang so I answered it without looking. It was coffee guy from last week. . .He had called me earlier in the week and I never called him back because I wasn't sure what to say. He's okay, but. . .I don't know - he's not great. So, back to today, caught on the spot I told him I'd call him back in an hour. But what do I say? Help!